Wednesday, October 28, 2009

A baby...

Well, there have been a lot of tears and a ton of difficult thinking and praying but I think that for now we have decided to put a baby on hold. I was really up for it before and Tommy and I had said for a while now that after we went to Disney we would have another baby. Here we are, home from Disney for 3 weeks and I cannot bring myself to stop taking my pills. I have talked about it with Tommy and while he would like another one he said it is really up to me because I'm the one who is here with them all the time. This is probably the toughest decision I've ever had to make. I feel like Tommy adn I have so much love left to give but I am at a point right now where I can't even think about starting over. Lila is almost 2 and a 1/2 and she is in the midst of her terrible twos!!!!!!! Cecilia and Emma were nothing like this so it is a while new experience for me and she really put me to the test every day, as soon as she wakes up until the time she finally settles into bed at night. On the bright side, she is potty trained so I have no more diapers or pull ups or wipes cluttering my house. I no longer have to carry a diaper bag (just a purse big enough to fit a few snacks and a change of clothes for everyone gets stored in the car). Do I really want to bring out the swing, pack and play, highchair, bassinet, infant carrier, all the bottles, formula, etc, etc, etc??? It was so difficult to decide because then I look at pictures of my girls when they were newborns and I remember the feel and the smell of a new baby and I look at my girls and feel that love the comes from the depth of your being, the kind of love only a mother could ever know exists, and I think to myself, who am I to decide that we are done with babies. Shouldn't I put it in God's hands? After all, he is the one who blessed us with our girls.I don't know. Somedays I feel like there is a void that is waiting to be filled by another baby and other days I think that if I have one more I might, quite literally, lose my mind.So I guess, for now, we are choosing to make the decision to wait. I'm not saying never, I'm just saying not right now.

1 comment:

  1. Jess & Tommy, your decision to wait was obviously well thought out, and i know how you feel Jess! but im good with 3... its been a good number!! God is with you in all you do, He is the ONE helping you with your choice!!! dont feel like your letting God down by not having another baby, there are plenty of other ways to share your love!!! just get creative!! love you guys!!!
    xoxoxox Dawn :)