Wednesday, September 23, 2009

To have a baby or not to have a baby?

I am going through a bit of an internal struggle lately. Tommy and I have said for the past year that we would be ready for another baby after we take our trip to Disney. Well, our trip is quickly approaching and all of a sudden I am beginning to wonder if we are really ready for another baby. I think about being pregnant and I'm definitely ready to do that again. I love being pregnant and had relatively easy pregnancies each of the other times. I love feeling the baby move and kick, listening to the heartbeat and seeing them on the ultrasound. So many times, I see other babies and all I can think about is holding my babies in my arms and snuggling with them and smelling that sweet baby smell. I remember holding them in my arms until they would fall asleep and going in to their rooms at night and watching them sleep so peacefully. I love all of those times and treasure that time when they are babies. I miss that time and I would love to do that al over again. Most importantly I love being a Mommy. There is nothing more rewarding in the world than being a Mommy and seeing your children grow and develop and become little people right before your eyes. I love teaching them new things and watching them learn. I love hearing that uncontrollable child laughter, that honest laughter that comes from the deepest part of their being and they just can't control. I love when they just run over to you and shower you with hugs and kisses just because they love you so much. But, then I think about how things are changing and are getting easier and easier. Lila is working on potty training right now so soon, there will not be anymore diapers or pull-ups. All 3 girls buckle themselves in their carseats. When it is time to go, they put on their own shoes and can walk out to the car without me having to carry anyone.They are growing up and things are getting easier. Do I really want to start all over again? Do I want to get out the bassenette, pack and play, baby swing, exersaucer, jumparoo, pacifiers, bottles and diapers? Does the good outweigh the bad? Is it really even bad or is it just the beginning of a new path in life? Could anything having to do with a baby ever be bad? That doesn't seem to be the right word, I guess difficult or more difficult than now or maybe its not difficult either...maybe its just different. How do you know? How can you tell if you're ready for another baby or not? I can't bring myself to get rid of any of my baby stuff, highchair, cribs...none of it! I have kept it all and can't even think about getting rid of it. I love my girls with all of my being and adore being a parent. Does that mean that I want another baby? How do I know if I'm ready now or if I just need to wait a little bit longer until the girls are a bit older and in school? Why can't these decisions be easier?

How do you not want to see a little face like this again???

What to do, what to do...

1 comment:

  1. I read your blog! I think it's great that you're thinking of another baby! I'm 99.9% sure we're done but it will be a long time before I get rid of my stuff, just in case;) Good luck on your decision-hey, if you can handle three, what's one more, right?!